9th February 2010 - Tuesday after midnight

Dear Cyberspace,

Here I am, sitting all alone in the dark night. The only light for my eyes are from the laptop that's not even half a year old and there is a sound from the clock telling me it's way past my bedtime. Here I am, all alone pondering about life, about what will become out of this poor soul, about where the world is heading at, about small things and about big things.

I can not help but to think, thus I am only a mere human. I can not help but to hope and to feel, something that only a mere human can do. I can not stop to do what only a mere human usually does; wondering, pondering and questioning.

The thoughts itself is not harmful, since only a thought can not take physical form to harm someone or something, but it's the thoughts that leads to actions. Would it be better for us humans to simply stop thinking? At times it might seem so, but we can not stop being something we're born to. Just as little as a wild beast can be tamed just because it's been taken cared of by humans since it was a baby. The wilderness will always remain, our actions will always remain, our mistakes will always remain the same. The history has always been repeating itself and for many decades more will it repeat. Some believe we will learn from our own mistakes, but I believe that once a mistake is forgotten it will automatically come back.

Memories will not always remain the same, memories will be what we want it to be. It's not facts that memories are based on, it's on feelings and fairy tales. We want to believe that something is good when it once is gone, because we want to see the good in everything. We were born to hope, and hope is not facts. But how can I blame us, we were created like this. Weather one believes in God or in science, in Adam or in Homo Sapiens, time created us this way. The more hopeless a situation is, the more will we hope and wish. But hopes and wishes is what have brought us here, good things and bad things...

I just wish that our minds can turn off sometimes. Wouldn't it be such a bliss to just not think? To have a quite mind for just a minute? I wish we can achieve it someday.

Love Paeonia