Dear Cyberspace,
Why do I always feel so hollow inside when the sun has fallen? Do I associate happiness with sunlight or is it just a social standard? That the sun brings happiness and the night brings nothing but dark and foggy feelings? Always so many questions in my head that goes round and round. I think my mind is recycling the thoughts for better, or worse, moments such as this. When I actually have the time to think it through. Maybe that's why the night is so hollow. The time when we actually have the time to think.
I don't think we modern people likes to think, not like back in the days when the world was ruled by philosophers. Back in the days when people actually cared about trivial matters, but maybe they only had the trivial matters to care about. I wish we could go back to that time only for a day. It would be a good lesson, for both body and mind.
Speaking of which, I skipped my training today. There's a deadline coming up and I always feel so depressed whenever it's time for some real work. Maybe it's just me trying to avoid the real world or maybe it's the world that spins too fast for me to cope. Either way I can't seem to make it work as a consistency. I fear that one day I might shut down totally, that my hard drive is too burnt to be recovered. That I would actually go literally insane and so stupid stuff.
Insanity is one of the things I keep for myself. It's hard to tell other people how you really feel and what you really think. Especially hard if you've come to know those people. For me, it's easier to talk it open to strangers than to my near ones. Strange but I know I'm not alone about this. That is why I created this blog. A blog only for my mind and soul to be exposed, a mind where no one or very few can put a face on. A place where I can speak without being feared of.
I hope you, whoever this may be, have a wonderful day. May the prosperity and happiness come to you.
Love
Paeonia
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